"Role" With It

Confession:  I have been watching Jon & Kate Plus Eight recently.  Ok...a LOT of Jon & Kate Plus Eight.  Blame it on the Netflix or lack of cable, but I can't help it.  I'm actually watching it right now.  DON'T WORRY, my child is sleeping...I'm not that neglectful.  I watched the show when it came on originally, but, like many, discontinued viewing after the family went to splitsville.  I'm not sure why, but the whole "we are horrible to each other but love each other" lost it's luster after they both went a little cray-cray.

Watching this show has allowed me to think a lot about the roles men and women play in marriages, particularly, what roles Ben and I play.  Call me crazy or not a "modern woman", but I am a big fan of traditional gender roles.  ::gasp:: I know, I am the problem with the women's rights movement (not really).  No, but in all seriousness, I really enjoy the roles Ben and I play in our marriage.  I cook, clean, and take care of the kids and he works and brings home the bacon.  It's pretty simple.  Now, that's not to say Ben does not have chores around the house.  He does and he happily serves me in those areas.  He takes out the trash, does the dishes every night, bathes Oliver, plays with him from the minute he gets home, reads him stories, takes care of the yard work, and so much more.  I really can't complain, but then again, neither can he. ;) I feel like we are a great team and together we encourage one another to be better and love one another well.

So, what does this have to do with Jon & Kate?  In the earlier episodes, and even right until they split, I really noticed how they genuinely are a team (a well oiled machine even) and each of them had their different jobs to do, but the one thing I noticed was missing in all of this was JOY.  They were cold to one another, and constantly criticized each move or decision that the other made.  How can you be willing to serve and help your spouse when they are constantly making you feel like you didn't get it right again and you probably never will?  I know that Kate could definitely be a B, but old Jon was not much better.  Sure, they had their moments of love, but those were definitely few and far between.  You all can hate me if you want, I'm just calling it like it is.  I know I am not always going to have a giant smile on my face and radiate joy when I'm folding the 8th load of laundry that day, but to grumble and complain about my husband or to my husband doesn't make it any better and sure doesn't fold those clothes any faster.

As a wife, I want to help my husband.  I feel that is my number one job.  It is my duty and my privilege to come along side him and live life together.  I will be submissive to him.  That does not mean he is the boss and what he says goes, but that we make decisions together, compromise, and I need to believe he has mine and O's best interest at heart when he makes a decision for our family.  You can say I am setting women back 50 years with that kind of thinking, but I wouldn't have it any other way.  I want to encourage my husband, not put him down every chance I get.  I want to be his helpmeet.  I want him to feel confident to take care of our son when I'm not there, or even when I am there, and not make him feel like I am going to nag him for everything he does that isn't the exact way I would do it.  Above all, I want him to love the Lord more than me, as I know he wants the same for me.

As women, we have a natural bent to control.  You can thank Eve for that.  Our desire is for our husband, but not in the way that sounds; we want to do their job.  We think no one can do it like we can and so we might as well just do it ourselves.  The world tells us that mindset is OK, but people, IT IS NOT!  Instead we should teach others how to do things and TRUST they can do it and if it's not exactly the way you would do it, WHO CARES?!  The sun will rise again and it will all be OK. 

I know that with life and more children comes more stress on a marriage.  I've seen it happen and I've seen it ruin many, many marriages, but I believe it comes from a wrong mindset.  Children are a blessing, even on their worst days, and life is going to be hard, but find the joy in it.  I know these two concepts are easier said than done, but at the end of the day, it's what matters.  I pray that through good times and bad, I continue to love my husband well, but I know this can only happen by God's grace.  We have to remember how the Gospel has changed us each and every day and remember why we are here: the glorify God and enjoy Him forever.