When the Going Gets Tough...

Sometimes I am a sinful, sinful woman.  Ok, that's not true.  All the time I am a sinful, sinful woman.  The Lord showers me with grace daily in this regard, though, and I thank Him for that.

My loves.  How precious are they?

I have a wonderful husband.  Words cannot express how fantastic he is.  He is Christ-like.  He is patient.  He is loving.  He is so very smart (far, far smarter than me).  He is a hard worker, maybe one of the hardest working people I know.  He is rational (especially when I am not).  He is good at EVERY-THING.  Seriously.  He is beyond talented.  Most of all, he is not perfect, and I love that most about him.  He is also a small business owner.  I don't know if many of you know anything about small business owners, but they are very, very, very, very busy.  Very.  Ben works hours that, I'll be honest, are slightly unheard of unless you are in the medical field.  He works Monday-Saturday (and, let's be honest, sometimes Sunday).  His days are never shorter than 12 hours, most of the time 14, but he is always home by 6pm for dinner, walks, giggles, baths, and bed.  Honestly, I'm not sure how he does it. 

I feel like I expect a lot out of my husband.  The beauty of being a stay at home mom is that you get to be with your child everyday.  The downside of being a stay at home mom is that you get to be with your child every. single. day.  PLEASE, do not get me wrong, it is wonderful.  I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world, but sometimes, mama gets tired.  Real tired.  I realized the other day that the moment my husband walks in the door, he clocks out from being Ben the contractor/architect (more aptly known in our house as a contractortect...it's real, look it up), to being Ben the daddy-who-needs-to-give-mama-a-break-so-she-can-finish-dinner-and-not-weep-in-the-asparagus.  The only moment of solace he gets is the 10-15 minute ride home from the office to our house.  He never complains.  Saint.

I write this post today because this past week was a tough one for me.  I know that there are thousands and thousand and THOUSANDS of women out there who have it way worse than me.  They are raising babies by themselves while their husbands are in far off lands defending our freedom.  My heart goes out to them.  I don't know how you do it except to take it one day at a time.  However, this is where I am and this is what I have been dealing with.  You can silently hate me and judge me if you want, but I'm just keeping it real.

My husband's work is great.  Despite a lackluster economy, somehow Appleseed Workshop has managed to stay afloat, and even thrive.  We know this is only because of the Lord.  There have been some dark times, but He has brought them through every storm and trial and we give Him all the glory for that.  They have stayed busy and always have a project going on; most of the time it's multiple projects.  With those multiple projects come multiple demands, which means lots of time and energy and resources are spread out to those jobs.  Again, blessings and gifts from above, but when these things collide, I don't see my husband.  Sure, he may make it home for dinner, but emotionally and mentally, he has checked out.  He is here, but he is not here.  That's hard for me. I don't know if you've figured this out about me, but being the youngest of four children I am slightly needy.  I know.  Gasp.  I can get my feelings hurt very easily.  And all this was fine when I was just wallowing in self-pity by myself, but now that there's an infant verging on toddler in the mix to wallow with me, it's even worse. During stressful, strenuous work times, Satan wants me to believe that my husband values and loves his company more than me.  Most of the time I beat that lie down and put it back in the pit where it belongs, but every now and again it creeps back up so secretively I don't even have time to set up a good defense.  This week was one of those times.  I felt alone.  I felt overwhelmed.  I felt unimportant and unappreciated in my role as a wife and a mother.  I snapped at my husband (more than once...whoops).  However, Ben was patient with me and reminded me again that he does all this for me and Oliver.  He often asks me the question, "Do you think I'd rather be doing <fill in the blank> than hanging out here with you guys?"  I have to remind myself of that little fact when times get tough.

I mean this is what I've been dealing with this week.  Hello.

My sweet friends and fellow Appleseed wives reminded me this morning how we are called to help our husbands and encourage them in these stressful work times and how we need to shower them in prayer during this time.  How precious is that? How selfish am I that I never even think first about how Ben is feeling with all the work he has and I only think about how it effects ME.  How tired I am of dealing with a teething baby.  How tired I am of picking up dirty socks and underwear.  How tired I am of making dinner and putting away dishes.  I know, I know.  Wife. Of. The. Year.  Again, thank you Lord for your grace and mercy.

Life is all about perspective.  I am thankful for a hard working husband who has work to do!  There are so many wives out there who are struggling with the exact opposite problem.  I am thankful for a husband who views what I do day in and day out as a job (and a hard one at that).  I am thankful for a husband who loves me well and thinks about me even when I am not my most lovable.  I pray you all can know that same feeling.  Love your men today, ladies, even when it's hard.  Even when you don't want to.  You are their biggest fan and their greatest support.  Remember that.